Post: October 6th, 2014
My requirements for my next relationship…
The word “requirements” sounds so harsh huh? In actuality though, I don’t think the word is harsh at all. In my opinion, “Relationship Requirements” are a necessity. As I’ve gotten older and have gone through many relationships (probably too many if you ask me) I have grown to learn what I will and won’t put up with in the future. I’ve grown to understand what I personally need to be the best me so that in turn I can be the best person for someone else. I’ve learned what qualities are important to me and what I expect from someone I plan to call my other half. I’ve also learned what I need to do in order to give someone else what they need to be the best them. Compromise is essential to any great relationship however there are a few things I won’t compromise on and these are them. Let’s call them my “Relationship Requirements.”
1) I believe that both people in the relationship should be treated with mutual respect and equality. Not one person’s opinion out rules the other ones. Not one person has the final say. Not one person does more chores, cooks more, works more, pays the bills more, takes care of the kids more, etc. Sure different arrangements can be made depending on schedules, interests, and circumstance, however at the end of the day both parties need to be able and willing to step up and do just as much as the other person when called upon/needed. God made man and woman equal and that’s how we should treat each other. Decisions need to be made as one, together, in agreement and I firmly believe that in order to create a long-lasting relationship you must be a team, not a dictatorship.
2) Each person needs to support and help flourish each other’s interests. Know what makes the other person happy. Whether it be a hobby, an activity, a job, reading, dancing, hanging out with friends, having alone time, spending time with family, going to the movies, fishing, working out, etc. whatever it may be, understand that your significant other NEEDS that in their life. It is your job to not only encourage those activities but to make sure that your significant other engages in them on the regular. Contrary to what you may want to believe YOU are not the only person or thing that makes your significant other happy. They have other interests that fulfill them and it’s your job to encourage those interests. Let the other person do what they need to do (without you) to be happy. And in the end you will see that it will only make you happier also.
3) Have Compassion, Patience, and Understanding for one another. Instead of getting mad when your significant other is in a bad mood due to a bad day at work or whatever be patient and have compassion for the other person. Try to understand whatever it is they are going through and be there for them, even if being there for them means just giving them space if that’s what they need. Lay off them a little. Give them a break that day, because they probably need it more than you think and one day you’ll need it too. I know these actions are easier said than done, especially when your significant other is getting on your last nerve (when you didn’t even do anything) but if you can master the art of patience, compassion and understanding you will avoid a lot of fights and in turn your significant other will be more appreciative of you at the end of the day when it’s time to go to bed. Try it, it works
4) My future significant other must have some sort of spiritual connection with God and the world around them, sympathy for others, love for humanity and animals, and at the end of the day must have an overall damn good heart. I want the person I call my other half to have the same sort of love and compassion as I do for people and the world around them. I deeply care about others and do my best to make the world a better place and I would expect my significant other to be the same type of person. A good heart goes a long way, in my opinion anyway.
5) Whoever I’m with needs to have my back, as I will have theirs. Now this doesn’t mean stand by them as they go commit a crime or whatever however in the heat of the moment or during a difficult situation I will ALWAYS standby my significant other and I expect the same in return. Now you don’t have to always agree with your significant other and I’m a firm believer that if you feel like the other was wrong in any circumstance you need to tell them. However do it in the privacy of your own home, not in front of others. In the moment, have each other’s backs, always. Call me hood or whatever but that’s what we do.
6) There must be complete trust between one another. I’m too old to play stupid games and I think one of the most important factors to having a loving relationship is trust. I want to be able to fully trust the other person I am with and I want them to be able to fully trust me. I want a relationship in which there isn’t even a doubt between one another. Be honest up front, tell each other everything that needs to be told, and move forward in creating a loving, trusting relationship.
7) Be nice to one another. I hate seeing people fight in public or put each other down. I feel like you should treat your significant other as if they are the most important person in the room. Be nice, loving, and caring towards one another. Yeah, I’m sure there will be fights at times and you won’t always be able to be so “nice” however try your best (on the daily) to be gentle towards one another. Remember that other person is your #1 so treat them like it .
Give the other person the affection they need. This one is personally hard for me because I didn’t grow up in an affectionate family, however if I meet someone who needs that, than I will give it to them. There is a statistic out that says one should give at least 8 hugs a day. Wouldn’t that be awesome if you gave your significant other 8 REAL hugs per day?? No matter how bad a mood someone is in, or how upset they are, a hug always brightens up each other’s day. And if you think about it, is a hug really that hard to give?? Give them more than hugs, but for now I’ll just leave it at that .
9) Communicate with your significant other! This should be the easiest yet sometimes it’s the hardest thing to do. I communicate for a damn living and I still can’t seem to figure it out! However I am working on it. Figure out how to communicate. Don’t hold things in until it’s too late and you explode. Tell the other person immediately if something they did bothered you. Communicate your feelings in whichever way you can. Some people are better at writing them down (me) and some are better at just blurting them out. Whichever way you find works best for you and your relationship do it, on the regular, like every day! Communicate! I feel like 99% of the problems people have in ANY kind of relationship could have been prevented or solved if someone would have just communicated properly or communicated at all.
10) Love one another. Don’t just say it show it. Do the little things that matter. Surprise each other with a homemade dinner every now and then. Leave a nice note for the other person before you leave to work. Come home with flowers or a doughnut (if that’s what makes the other person happy). Show the other person that you love them on a daily basis through your actions, not your words. I know it’s an old saying that we all know but “Actions Speak Louder than Words” really is the truth. Don’t just talk about it, be about it.
After writing these I scrolled back up to read them all and I thought to myself the following…
1) There are a lot more things I would like to add, however this is already getting long so I will just leave it at 10. Maybe in another blog one day lol..
2) “Wow, Geena you sound like you live in a fantasy world.” However, after thinking about this thought for a bit more, this is what I have to say on that.
If you really think about the above 10 “requirements” they really aren’t too hard to do. In fact they are very simple things that don’t require much work at all. Sure, each person and each relationship will have different “Relationship Requirements” depending on what is important to you; however, I highly encourage you to make your own “Relationship Requirements” today. Whether you are single or are currently in a relationship, think about what it is that is TRULY important to you and make sure you and your significant other (or future significant other) incorporates those things into your lives. You deserve to have a significant other who is on the same page as you and its ok for you to set standards on what you want your “Relationship Requirements” to be. And remember, you don’t EVER have to settle for anything less.
Ok I’m going to go to bed now because this was all WAAAYYYY too much relationship talk for me! LOL…Nite!