Post: March 31st, 2016
I don’t think I have EVER posted a picture of me in my workout clothes. I’ve always probably been a bit self conscious to do that. And if I’m being honest, it was still kind of hard to post this picture today. However, here is a selfie of me with no-makeup, no filter, no photo-shop, all sweaty, right after my hot yoga class tonight!! I’m not usually one of those people who “checks in at the gym” or needs to prove to the world that I’m working out or eating right everyday (by the way, I have NOTHING against people who do that, it’s just not me). However I do find it funny that because I DON’T do that, people are shocked when they find out that I do actually workout every single day and are surprised when they find out how much I know about about food and what it does to our body. I have researched food for YEARS and was a vegetarian for a bit so I understand all that. Get me in a conversation on what “healthy” is and on the subject of organic foods, non-GMO, processed foods, dairy, gluten, etc and I can go on for days! Many people don’t know that about me though. I think the main reason why I don’t post anything about working out or what I know about healthy food/living is because that has become my “me” time. It has become my therapy and has become a part of who I am on a daily basis, so maybe I tend to guard it from the world? I’m not sure my reasoning on why I have never shared too much on this before however, for whatever reason I felt the need to do so now.
For YEARS, I worked out to be “skinny.” Just like many of you, I have tried EVERY diet in the book/every workout fad/ and every kind of “cleanse” imaginable. Heck, I’ve even tried colonics!! (Don’t judge me for that). However, nothing ever seemed to work permanently and nothing ever brought me the “skinny” I was always trying to be.
For as long as I can remember, I was always striving to be “skinnier.” Maybe it was because I was trying to look better in a bathing suit or maybe I was trying to fit into that cute dress or maybe it was because someone criticized the way I looked. Whatever the reason, I was ALWAYS trying to lose “10 more pounds.” I even got to a point where I was literally weighing myself at least 10 times a day, running a crazy amount of miles per day, and barely eating. Looking back at that time I realize now, that boy did I have it ALL wrong! I also realize that I was never doing any of that for ME. I was doing it for everyone else.
I used to get called fat everyday of my life (I probably still do I just don’t pay attention/see it much these days). I understand that putting yourself in the “public eye” per say opens you up to the scrutiny and judgement of others. I get it. However, that doesn’t make it any less hurtful. When I first started getting more “popular” (for lack of a better term) I used to get inundated with emails and messages from people saying, “Geena you’re fat. You’re ugly. You have no fashion sense. You’re nothing special. I don’t know why people think you’re pretty. I don’t know why people like you” and on and on and on. And I’m not going to sit here and lie to you and tell you that getting those messages didn’t bother me, because they did. Some days, I would go home crying after getting a mean email or seeing a mean comment on social media and it would ruin my day/week/or even month. Looking back now, I think the reason why it bothered me so much was because, as I was constantly trying to live up to societies expectations of me, I was forgetting about living up to my OWN expectations of myself.
I’m not sure what changed in me a few years back. I think it was probably a lot of things that made me change my outlook on “being skinny” and having to “look” a certain way. But for whatever reason one day, I just stopped trying to be “skinny” and started doing what I wanted to do, FOR ME. It was like a light just switched on in my head one day. And that day, the day I stopped trying to be “skinny” and just started doing what made ME happy was the first day I finally felt at peace.
I started doing hot yoga (which I’m obsessed with) and I started running a lot (which I need to start doing again). I began getting my meals prepped and delivered to me from http://www.evolvemealprep.com/ (organic, non-GMO, locally sourced etc) weekly. I started reading books on every subject you can imagine (health, life, goal-setting, relationships, love, happiness, etc). I started going to church regularly and reestablishing my relationship with God. I removed people from my life who were toxic to me at the time. I stopped stressing about work and other things. And I finally just started doing whatever made ME happy and what made ME feel good.
Today, all of those things I just mentioned are part of my daily routine. They are a priority in my life. I have come to the understanding that nothing else in my life (work, relationships, friendships, health, well-being, etc) will work if I don’t work. So I need to do what I need to do to make sure my body and mind is functioning/working in its highest form. Now don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy myself. If I feel like eating something bad (hot Cheetos) I eat them (ask the morning show, they’ll tell you). If I feel like drinking wine, I do. If I feel like stopping by Taco Bell, I will. To me, it’s about balance and not stressing all day long over what you eat, or how you look, or if you are going to miss a work-out. And let me tell you, once I stopped stressing out about being “perfect” I started feeling better than I have ever felt in my life. And others started noticing too! People come up to me all the time and say, “Geena, something about you has changed. I can’t figure out what it is though.” And whenever people tell me that I think in my head, “I just started doing things for me.”
So I guess why I’m telling you all of this is because my hope would be for people (maybe you) to stop “trying to be skinny” for everyone else and start being healthy FOR YOU. Because at the end of the day, you’re the only one that matters, no one else. And nothing else in your life can/will function if YOU don’t feel good about yourself first, inside and out. And once you start doing that, you’ll start feeling “skinnier” than you have ever felt before! LOL…And most importantly, everything in your life will start falling right into place, exactly where it’s supposed to be. You’ll see .